The first time I shot Chewbacca felt like I was betraying my childhood. 

I was seven when my brother took me to see the original Star Wars. That’s when I met Chewbacca. Chewy was larger than life in every way, as a character and on the big screen. I loved all the characters, especially Han Solo.  At my young age, those characters were as real as anyone I knew, and that included a 7’6 Wookie. 

After seeing Star Wars, I identified as Han for 5 years. Chewbacca was my best friend and co-pilot. The character was sometimes played by my human best friend Eddie, who was good at barking dialogue and could do a solid Chewy roar. Over the years we had so many adventures in my mind and in my yard.  

Now, it’s fair to ask: how could I shoot Chewie? Well, as an adult I was playing the video game Star Wars: Battlefront. On this one level, you choose a character from the Empire. It was conflicting enough to choose which Stormtrooper I wanted to be. I didn’t want to be ANY Stormtrooper! They’re bad people! And horrible shots! 

As if that’s not enough, we’re attacking the Wookie planet. The level starts, and my unit deploys. Then the enemy comes, waves of Wookies firing their blasters. 

There’s nothing else to do. My friend has already opened fire. As my finger hovers above the fire button, I feel like what I am about to do is a monumental choice in my life. Then I fired. 

The Wookies fall. Our troops move forward. I tell myself it’s not really Chewy, but it sure does look like him. And their death sound is worse than the sound a dog makes when you step on its foot.  

Finally, that mission ended, and we moved on to a less existential challenge. The experience opened my eyes to how much those characters still mattered to me. I think seven-year-old Han Solo is still mad at me.