Articles

From Darkness to Bright Angel

/ boz bozeman / Leave a comment

I began Speak Again Bright Angel in 1992. It started as a short story titled “Keeping the Darkness Out with the Stars”. Although some of the same characters and ideas persist to this day, a lot has been changed.

After I wrote the story, I decided to make it a novel. I remember finishing the first draft, and reading through it. While I was proud of the accomplishment, I knew the story wasn’t right.

I worked on it on and off for the rest of the decade. Each version was an improvement, but I would end with the same combination of pride in the effort but frustration with the book.

It was when I went to Trinity College in Hartford, CT that the real story finally took shape. Professor Fred Phiel was my advisor, and he spent many hours with me working on the book.

There are two memories from this time that have stayed with me. The first was how many characters were shed from the book before he saw the new draft. Having someone with credentials reading it cast my story in a new light. I would think about the characters from his perspective, and I just knew certain ones could not live into the new version.

The second memory came after an editing session. We were walking to our cars when he turned and said, “Hey, what’s it called?” I replied, “Keeping the Darkness Out with the Stars.” He shouted “Too long!”

So there I was, already eliminating characters, and now I didn’t even have a title. Then fate stepped in. I was in my high school classroom. There was a traveling teacher reading from Romeo and Juliet. As I was doing work at my desk, the class was reading from the famous balcony scene. That’s when I heard the line from Romeo that he speaks before Juliet knew he was there. “Speak Again Bright Angel” he says, hoping to hear her voice again. I immediately knew that was the title.

Though the results were much the same with these drafts, the story as it stands now began to take shape. It took more decades to get it ready, but now it’s real, and it’s nearly time for you to have a chance to read it.

New Year’s Mantra

/ boz bozeman / Leave a comment

A few years back I shifted from doing New Year’s resolutions to selecting a type of mantra. I chose a single word to help me improve and give me a mindset for the year to come.

My word this year is “Present.” As in being present in the moment.

I’ve known that I’m supposed to be present for a long time. It’s just been difficult for me to do. This is mainly because I have trained my brain to intellectualize life. As a young person, I escaped into dreams because I didn’t like reality. As I grew older and accepted my life, this transformed to turning events into metaphors, pondering ideas, and fantasizing about my life even while I am living it.

It’s a hard habit to break, partly because I have done it for so long, partly because I enjoy it.

My way of thinking is not to abandon this and replace it with being present. It’s simply to add more being present to my life.

Why? Presence is power. I will notice details that I miss if I was spacing out about something else. I will act in the moment, which is the right time to act.

Presence is the flow. It’s hard to go with the flow on the ground when my head is in the clouds. I will know where I am and see where I’m going.

Presence is professional. I will be a better teacher and colleague if I am in the moment and attentive to the ideas and needs of those around me. I will be more adaptive and creative in my work.

Presence is love. Being present with people let them know on a deep level that I care, that I am not just there for them, but I am there with them. And it is loving myself, being able to enjoy the moments I am in, instead of being in pretend places.

By the way, I distracted myself three time with my phone while I was writing this.

Presence is a work in progress.

Powerlessness is Freedom

/ boz bozeman / 3 Comments

Like many people, I feel very triggered by politics and politicians. That’s never been truer than over the past ten years for me.  

I’m not going to reveal my political leanings, because that’s not what this is about. It is about my recognition of my powerlessness. And how facing it has given me a sense of freedom that I have not felt in a very long time.  

As I was stressing my way through the millionth consecutive troubling news cycle, the realization finally hit me: I believed I had power over the politics and policies of our nation and world.  

But like just about everyone else, I don’t. I have my vote, I have my voice, and that is it. The President, my senators and congresshumans, literally anyone who has real political power does not know the thoughts in my head, the frustrations I feel, the stress and unhappiness elicited when something happens that I disagree with. 

Yet, I felt like I did have power. Like the intensity of my emotions and the correctness of my views could somehow make an impact on monumental world decisions.  So my frustration when things didn’t go my way was monumental, to the point where it impacted my mental health.

I guess I experienced the Five Stages of Grief. And I got pretty stuck on Anger, Depression and Bargaining. But each of those stages are steps on the journey, certainly not the destination.

The destination is Acceptance. And that means facing my powerlessness.

Yet when this happened, it opened up power. The power to invest the time, energy and emotion I had been wasting on my political disappointment and focus those on my job, my writing, my family and friends. Instead of unhealthy obsession, I am using my focus and thoughts to enhance my life.

I will never stop being interested in the world around me. But it’s not going to stop me from embracing my world.

Discovered by Tal Gur and Elevate Society

/ boz bozeman / Leave a comment

Dreams coming true! Author and motivator Tal Gur has discovered Tao of Thoreau. He published this amazing review, and granted me an interview.

This is the kind of opportunity I have only dreamed of before, and now this dream has come true! It has motivated me to keep chasing my goals and aspirations. Thank you Tal!

https://elevatesociety.com/tao-of-thoreau-summary-review/
https://elevatesociety.com/mark-bozeman/

Jinxing Bad

/ boz bozeman / 4 Comments

My last two years of teaching were incredibly tough for me. For consecutive years, I had classes that were so challenging that it undermined my confidence in being a teacher. I genuinely questioned if I could continue. 

Good news! My classes are AMAZING this year. Maybe I’ll go into detail some other time, but this post isn’t about that. It’s about jinxing.  

I keep hesitating to describe my classes this year as good. This hesitancy comes from a fear that I will jinx it. As if somehow if I say it out loud, or write about it, then the good kids will turn bad, and my good year will turn sour. 

That’s when it occurred to me: why don’t we ever talk about jinxing bad things? We’re so sure we can ruin something good, why not try to jinx something bad?

Imagine! It would be like a superpower! Last year, I could have said, “Boy, my class is really bad! Hope I jinx it!” And then, just like that, I would walk into school the next day and my tough class would all be academic angels and behave perfectly.

If only. It wouldn’t work. But the good news is that it doesn’t work to jinx good things either. 

At least I hope not.  

Finding Oneness

/ boz bozeman / Leave a comment

When the relevance of numbers disappears, that’s oneness.  

I thought of this while walking a path bathed in yellow pine needles. With the word “bathed”, I’m trying to express the expanse of the needles. Pressed under my feet, stretching behind me and ahead. Blanketing the woods to either side. Surrounding me in every direction, even beyond my view.  

I think of the process of counting each one. I try to glimpse meaning beyond the absurdity of the task. Absurd because how long would it take to even count the number in ten square feet, never mind the huge expanse in Great Pond State Forest? 

When the relevance of numbers disappears, that’s oneness.  

My idea is attempting to express the woven unity of this carpet of needles. A vast, interlinked skein. Yes, made of individual shafts, but the repetition speaks to me a giant tan fabric. Is not fabric made of many threads connected? Many elements woven together to make one. 

Envisioning this helps me better understand the Taoist concept of merging the truth of individuality within the connection of totality. Losing numbers in this small world of pine needles connects me to the immense unity that I am a part of and apart from. 

One of the Biggest Bears Yet!

/ boz bozeman / Leave a comment

I was driving home from a hike with Anna. She was in the back seat. I turn the corner to my road and see a SUV backing out of our driveway. Not too surprising because we’re the first on the road, and a lot of people turn around in it.

But it’s actually my former neighbor Petra, who was visiting her parents next door. She lowered her sunglasses and said, “You have a bear in your yard.”

I looked up to see the enormous black hump of a strolling bear in my front yard.

I said “I sure do!”

After I said thanks, I rolled up into my driveway as it was hidden by brush and trees. This gave me time to park near the garage and get my camera out. It was nice having Anna safe in the car, leaving me free to film without worrying about her.

The bear obliged by walking very slowly into the frame and through the back yard. I got it centered on my screen, and then was able to watch it live. It’s haunches were unbelievably powerful, and vibrated with every step.

See for yourself and scan the QR below for my Instagram reel. Or search @bozbozeman on Insta and give me a follow if you’d like!

Not my first bear video

Ode to Wasps

/ boz bozeman / 2 Comments

I don’t like to kill things. But when you own a home, pest management is pretty important. And wasps are a dangerous kind of pest.

For years, I only took down nests when they were in an obviously problematic place. That changed a little the summer I got stung in the palm by a wasp in my office. I got a little more aggressive about getting them away from the house.

This year, the first nest that had to go was in the kindling bin. It was still very small, and there were only three wasps associated with it. It must have been the queen I watched making it, excreting wood pulp and saliva to make the hexagons. It’s an intricate and fascinating process, and I reverence the creativity and ingenuity of nature exposed by it.

Though I’m glad people don’t make things that way. Ewww.

I wasn’t happy to take them out, but I can’t get stung every time I want to build a fire. I got them in the morning when they were gathered together, and took no pleasure in their twitching end.

Then there was the nest INSIDE the screen door that we found when we had family over. Patty got stung, so I took care of that one right way. Maybe took a little revenge satisfaction with their demise.

Finally, I had to take out the one in the hot tub cover. Getting stung takes away a bit of the pleasure of a soak.

I don’t like having to do this. All this time, there’s been a nest under the deck. Those wasps have not bothered us, so there it stays. I’d rather not go get them, and I hope the season ends before I need to.