Articles

Powerlessness is Freedom

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Like many people, I feel very triggered by politics and politicians. That’s never been truer than over the past ten years for me.  

I’m not going to reveal my political leanings, because that’s not what this is about. It is about my recognition of my powerlessness. And how facing it has given me a sense of freedom that I have not felt in a very long time.  

As I was stressing my way through the millionth consecutive troubling news cycle, the realization finally hit me: I believed I had power over the politics and policies of our nation and world.  

But like just about everyone else, I don’t. I have my vote, I have my voice, and that is it. The President, my senators and congresshumans, literally anyone who has real political power does not know the thoughts in my head, the frustrations I feel, the stress and unhappiness elicited when something happens that I disagree with. 

Yet, I felt like I did have power. Like the intensity of my emotions and the correctness of my views could somehow make an impact on monumental world decisions.  So my frustration when things didn’t go my way was monumental, to the point where it impacted my mental health.

I guess I experienced the Five Stages of Grief. And I got pretty stuck on Anger, Depression and Bargaining. But each of those stages are steps on the journey, certainly not the destination.

The destination is Acceptance. And that means facing my powerlessness.

Yet when this happened, it opened up power. The power to invest the time, energy and emotion I had been wasting on my political disappointment and focus those on my job, my writing, my family and friends. Instead of unhealthy obsession, I am using my focus and thoughts to enhance my life.

I will never stop being interested in the world around me. But it’s not going to stop me from embracing my world.

Discovered by Tal Gur and Elevate Society

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Dreams coming true! Author and motivator Tal Gur has discovered Tao of Thoreau. He published this amazing review, and granted me an interview.

This is the kind of opportunity I have only dreamed of before, and now this dream has come true! It has motivated me to keep chasing my goals and aspirations. Thank you Tal!

https://elevatesociety.com/tao-of-thoreau-summary-review/
https://elevatesociety.com/mark-bozeman/

Jinxing Bad

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My last two years of teaching were incredibly tough for me. For consecutive years, I had classes that were so challenging that it undermined my confidence in being a teacher. I genuinely questioned if I could continue. 

Good news! My classes are AMAZING this year. Maybe I’ll go into detail some other time, but this post isn’t about that. It’s about jinxing.  

I keep hesitating to describe my classes this year as good. This hesitancy comes from a fear that I will jinx it. As if somehow if I say it out loud, or write about it, then the good kids will turn bad, and my good year will turn sour. 

That’s when it occurred to me: why don’t we ever talk about jinxing bad things? We’re so sure we can ruin something good, why not try to jinx something bad?

Imagine! It would be like a superpower! Last year, I could have said, “Boy, my class is really bad! Hope I jinx it!” And then, just like that, I would walk into school the next day and my tough class would all be academic angels and behave perfectly.

If only. It wouldn’t work. But the good news is that it doesn’t work to jinx good things either. 

At least I hope not.  

Finding Oneness

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When the relevance of numbers disappears, that’s oneness.  

I thought of this while walking a path bathed in yellow pine needles. With the word “bathed”, I’m trying to express the expanse of the needles. Pressed under my feet, stretching behind me and ahead. Blanketing the woods to either side. Surrounding me in every direction, even beyond my view.  

I think of the process of counting each one. I try to glimpse meaning beyond the absurdity of the task. Absurd because how long would it take to even count the number in ten square feet, never mind the huge expanse in Great Pond State Forest? 

When the relevance of numbers disappears, that’s oneness.  

My idea is attempting to express the woven unity of this carpet of needles. A vast, interlinked skein. Yes, made of individual shafts, but the repetition speaks to me a giant tan fabric. Is not fabric made of many threads connected? Many elements woven together to make one. 

Envisioning this helps me better understand the Taoist concept of merging the truth of individuality within the connection of totality. Losing numbers in this small world of pine needles connects me to the immense unity that I am a part of and apart from. 

One of the Biggest Bears Yet!

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I was driving home from a hike with Anna. She was in the back seat. I turn the corner to my road and see a SUV backing out of our driveway. Not too surprising because we’re the first on the road, and a lot of people turn around in it.

But it’s actually my former neighbor Petra, who was visiting her parents next door. She lowered her sunglasses and said, “You have a bear in your yard.”

I looked up to see the enormous black hump of a strolling bear in my front yard.

I said “I sure do!”

After I said thanks, I rolled up into my driveway as it was hidden by brush and trees. This gave me time to park near the garage and get my camera out. It was nice having Anna safe in the car, leaving me free to film without worrying about her.

The bear obliged by walking very slowly into the frame and through the back yard. I got it centered on my screen, and then was able to watch it live. It’s haunches were unbelievably powerful, and vibrated with every step.

See for yourself and scan the QR below for my Instagram reel. Or search @bozbozeman on Insta and give me a follow if you’d like!

Not my first bear video

Ode to Wasps

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I don’t like to kill things. But when you own a home, pest management is pretty important. And wasps are a dangerous kind of pest.

For years, I only took down nests when they were in an obviously problematic place. That changed a little the summer I got stung in the palm by a wasp in my office. I got a little more aggressive about getting them away from the house.

This year, the first nest that had to go was in the kindling bin. It was still very small, and there were only three wasps associated with it. It must have been the queen I watched making it, excreting wood pulp and saliva to make the hexagons. It’s an intricate and fascinating process, and I reverence the creativity and ingenuity of nature exposed by it.

Though I’m glad people don’t make things that way. Ewww.

I wasn’t happy to take them out, but I can’t get stung every time I want to build a fire. I got them in the morning when they were gathered together, and took no pleasure in their twitching end.

Then there was the nest INSIDE the screen door that we found when we had family over. Patty got stung, so I took care of that one right way. Maybe took a little revenge satisfaction with their demise.

Finally, I had to take out the one in the hot tub cover. Getting stung takes away a bit of the pleasure of a soak.

I don’t like having to do this. All this time, there’s been a nest under the deck. Those wasps have not bothered us, so there it stays. I’d rather not go get them, and I hope the season ends before I need to.

The Activation of Zen

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My favorite Zen story starts with a Master walking down a road, carrying a sack on his back. A local wise man recognizes that this is a Zen Master and hurries out to greet him. The Master politely responds, but he keeps walking.  

Understanding that he only has a moment, the wise man says, “Please, Master, I must ask you a question. What is the realization of Zen?” 

At this, the Master stops, takes the bag off his shoulder, and sets in on the ground.  

Understanding this was his answer, the wise man boldly asked another question: “Then what is the activation of Zen?” 

The Master bends, picks up the bag, settles it on his shoulder, and walks on.  

To me, this story teaches about two powerful acts: 

  1. Setting Down the Bag 

I see the Master’s bag as a symbol of what we carry in life. Love and friendships, family and work. Being a person and interacting with people. Burdens and responsibilities.  

By putting it down, the Master relieves himself of the weight of his existence, the load of living a human life. With all of this off his shoulders, he can take a break. He can remember that there is rest from toiling, there is healing for pain, and that love is the balm of attachment.  

In this moment, a regular person could realize that some of the items in the bag are not really that heavy. Letting it down gives space to realize that some weight has been added, perhaps by excess worry or negative thinking.  

I’d like to think that this is a moment when things can be removed from the bag. Old thought patterns, neediness and jealousy, greed and disappointment. Even crusty dreams might finally get their rest on the side of the road.  

  1. Picking Up the Bag 

The Master activates Zen by picking the bag back up. I think this represents the total acknowledgment of living and acceptance of the conditions that we live in.  

Picking up the bag demonstrates that he is choosing the responsibilities and relationships he has. It shows that he wants to carry this weight, that he accepts what he chooses to carry. 

Indeed, the Master and the sack are one thing, even if it can be put down.  

If you’d like to read more of my philosophy, check out Tao of Thoreau.

Advice from an only couple

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When you’re an only couple, being there as your family and friend’s kids grow up is a treat. It’s great to be part of their lives, their growth. To see sisters, brothers, friends become mothers and fathers is to see their pride and their skill.  It is an honor to be part of.

Since we see them occasionally, Patty and I get a perspective that parents don’t: seeing the jump in personality and behavior over months. Suddenly a small child becomes … well, a less small child, but with much bigger ideas. Then, they’re not children anymore as they take that ride though the teens and early twenties. Now there are deep conversations, but the playful nature of the connection remains.  

And, in that uncle or aunt fashion, we get to be role models at each level. And be ridiculous. That’s one of my strengths as an uncle: wise and a little crazy. 

I’m writing this because my good friend’s son graduated from high school last Friday. I’m writing this because I had in my mind a mini-speech I wanted to give him. It was based on my freshman year of college. But I recognized immediately that it was all about me. Which made me suspect it wouldn’t be for him. 

And it wasn’t. I trashed that idea, but I still wanted to impart some advice. I settled on something concise: “I hope your college years aren’t the best four years of your life, but you should live them like they will be. Then you’ll set a high bar to surpass in your adulthood.” 

Not bad advice, and while it was based on my experience, it was a better message for him.  

Writing about not writing

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I didn’t want to write about not writing. But the only thing I can think about is why I’m not writing. Why my creativity is not creativating. Why my brain is so tired that the thought of writing makes it nap time.

Why am I not writing? Mostly, it’s this school year. It has been very difficult for numerous reasons, but as a professional I’m not going to list them. Suffice to say that it has been rough. It’s only been recently that I felt I was overcoming some of the challenges I’m facing. The process has made me stronger, which makes me confident that I will feel more creative energy. That and SUMMER IS COMING!

Being in pain for a year before her hip surgery was really hard on Patty, of course. We are intertwined, so it was also very difficult to me to see her struggling, and we both were bummed that we couldn’t do the active things we like to do.

Patty is better now! So that burden has been laid down, and the energy from it is starting to return.

On the positive side, we had “Step into the Spring” at work, which is a school wide step challenge. So I spent the month of April doing as much activity as possible. Being an active teacher, taking Anna for longer walks, and doing a lot of yard work. And the yard looks GOOD.

Oh, and I won.

Very positive, but obviously tiring. Coupled with a day of teaching, the physical and mental drain made it more difficult to get writing.

But I’m back! I mean I have a website – gotta be a responsible blogger!