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Editing as Microcosm

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I am hopefully getting near the end of the editing my first book of poetry titled Self of Steam. I am seeing this process as a microcosm of who I am creatively, and even in other parts of my life.

Each step mirrors how I work. Let’s go to a bulleted list to illustrate my point:

  • Hit with the enthusiasm for a project, I begin with full engagement, passion and energy. I will get a great deal done in a short amount of time.
  • Even when the fire cools a little, I am still caught by the glimmering possibility that is calling me from the still distant end. I work with determination, and look forward to building more.
  • The enthusiasm wears off, but my work ethic and ability to focus takes over.
  • I hit a major roadblock. Though I wrestle with it, it saps my energy and determination.
  • I begin to avoid the work.
  • I feel guilt for avoiding the work.
  • I return to the work, but the frustration is still there.
  • I finally get past the avoidance and frustration, and I get past the regret.
  • Project gets finished.
  • I wonder why I had to fight it so long, which somewhat mars the satisfaction of completing it.

This is the stage I am at with this website. I feel guilty about not posting, but I am a little overwhelmed by the prospect of keeping it going for a long time. Indeed, I am writing this more out internal pressure than any creative spark.

But this last part isn’t really so bad. I have learned about my capacity to create even if I don’t feel creative. This lesson may just take the place of some of the frustrations of my process.

Someday.

My first Haibun Monday – Equinox edition

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I’m learning the Haibun form, which combines prose and poetry. I like this very much, since prose is my first love.

The challenge is to write a post about the equinox. Here’s mine:

Fall fell on its birthday this year in Connecticut. A twenty-degree dip in temperature in one day, cool replacing the wisps of warmth of a day ago. As if it knew its time had come and did not wish to tarry.

The sun is blocked out by clouds, so it is a grey day that we get half of. It’s been too nice for a lot of leaves to fall in the heavy rain: the trees’ green belies this sudden steely Autumn.

Darkness will do for the other half of the equinox. It is flexing now, beginning to feel its length stretch out before it, a host of days to darken.

Still I will balance
Rotating, tilting, spinning
Cycling through it all

Join the fun here.

Letting Go

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One of my favorite quotes from Tao te Ching is “Do your work and then let go, the only path to serenity.” I believe in this idea from my practical experience, and I’m definitely happier when I apply it to my job.

This school year, I have a particularly challenging class, mostly due to discipline problems. I found myself perseverating about this group. I realized I was stressing, and it wasn’t helping the situation at all. Losing sleep is not the path to serenity.

I had to change my mindset. What is “doing my work” in this case? It is of course attempting to get the class on track. Some time outside of the class is necessary to think and strategize what to do. That is all part of the job, so it is my work.

I had to let go of the stress and the stop the sleeplessness. I did this by determining my plan to adjust their behavior, and being intentional and clear about what I needed from them. Once I began doing this, I was able to let go of grinding the thoughts about this class, and just focus on my job when I am doing it.

Not surprisingly, not only have I started letting go, but the class has started getting better. Bottom line, listen to the Tao!

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Fallow

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I always believe my summer break from teaching will lead to creative productivity. Many years it has, and I have created numerous pieces, and started many more.

This summer was different. I just wasn’t feeling it. It took a lot of effort to even post occasionally here.

In my defense, I did format a book of poetry that I want to publish. Well, mostly format. When uploading books to Amazon, a .pdf file is a good format to use. Unfortunately, editing a .pdf costs money to Adobe, and the editing interface is clunky and the opposite of intuitive.

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Tao Lesson #3

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I’ve been thinking about these ideas a lot recently:

Prevent trouble before it arises.
Put things in order before they exist.
The giant pine tree 
grows from a tiny sprout.
The journey of a thousand miles 
starts from beneath your feet.

I tend to get a good idea, and rush into action with it. Although I get a lot accomplished, not having a clear plan can be a problem. When I hit a roadblock, it can take away my momentum, stalling the project.

If instead I had taken the time for a little planning, I may have anticipated the problems that could arise.

The second half is a tough lesson for me. Maybe I feel like I’m too far down the road of my journey to revert to having origin thoughts. I’m trying to see how this lesson applies to any new venture we embark on, even if it is an offshoot of something we have already been doing.

Looking at projects and problems as if they just began, or are constantly beginning. Original mind. I think this is something to try for, though I am not quite sure how to go about it.

Tao Lesson #3

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I’m going to do just one line today. This particular quote really resonates with me because there are so many examples of it in my life:

“He who tries to shine dims his own light”

I lived this quote before I ever read it. When I went to college, it was a time of freedom and evolution. I was sheltered and unpopular in high school, so when things started to go my way in college, it went to my head. I would become arrogant at times, until I noticed how much this turned off those around me.

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Tao Lesson 2

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I find this passage to be a very challenging one. Not in a sense of understanding it: the message is clearly stated. The challenge is in the ideas, and trying to activate them in my life. 

The Master stays behind; 

That is why she is ahead. 

She is detached from all things; 

That is why she is one with them. 

Because she has let go of herself, 

She is perfectly fulfilled.

Tao te Ching often uses contradictory statements to expose the truth. The message is revealed by pondering the way that seemingly opposite ideas work together.  

One way to look at the idea of staying behind is to think about work. The Master is not rushing to achieve and when she does, she does seek approval for these achievements. Accomplishing the task is the goal. Simply do the thing that needs to be done and move on. Then the idea of being ahead is clearer because it is not about racing from task to task, but about effort and completion of the task in the moment. 

It seems impossible to be detached and still connected.  But what if detachment doesn’t mean ignoring or pushing things away? Instead, it is not asking more than can be given naturally. Let’s use personal relationships as an example. Being detached means allowing a person to be themselves. By trusting like this, the Sage shows she understands a person’s true nature. How can you be more connected than that? 

Letting go is tough for me. I cannot let go of myself: I am still the stage of many plays, and I crave an audience for my performance. Fulfillment is impossible when you need it from others. 

I am trying to learn this lesson. And I think I know how to apply it. I feel a different way calling me, but it means letting go to reach it.  

The quote is taken from the wonderful Stephen Mitchell translation of Tao the Ching.

If you are interested in Taoism, you might enjoy my book Tao of Thoreau.

Tao Lesson #1

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I thought I’d share some of my favorite passages from Tao Te Ching and add a commentary about why they are important to me.

Here’s the first:

The Tao is like a well:
Used but never used up.
It is like the eternal void:
Filled with infinite possibilities.

This passage always leads me to two places: energy and creativity.

Whenever I am low on energy, I remember this lesson. All the energy, power or inspiration I need is already there, inside me. The question is: will I tap into this energy, or let the drowsy feelings of being tapped out decide for me?

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