All the ashtrays have been emptied
The ashes blown to dust
Long ago.
The decorative stone ones,
The ceramic one your mother made,
The heavy one that was thick and gemlike
Faceted, bending light.
That one was too nice,
It made the ashes seem dirtier.
The cheap metal ones, bent up at four sides
That I had in college in ‘91.
That one was on the dresser:
The one I fished half smoked butts out of,
Careless of the last lips that held them.
The souvenir one that once said Canada,
The red word on the clear glass
And the maple leaf on the bottom
Faded and chipped away.
The smokers are outside now,
Or quit,
Or dead.
The ashtrays are in landfills,
In forgotten boxes in the dark cellar,
Dim corners behind old books.
Existing in their decay,
Fading to ashes.
Returning to dust.
College
Advice from an only couple
When you’re an only couple, being there as your family and friend’s kids grow up is a treat. It’s great to be part of their lives, their growth. To see sisters, brothers, friends become mothers and fathers is to see their pride and their skill. It is an honor to be part of.
Since we see them occasionally, Patty and I get a perspective that parents don’t: seeing the jump in personality and behavior over months. Suddenly a small child becomes … well, a less small child, but with much bigger ideas. Then, they’re not children anymore as they take that ride though the teens and early twenties. Now there are deep conversations, but the playful nature of the connection remains.
And, in that uncle or aunt fashion, we get to be role models at each level. And be ridiculous. That’s one of my strengths as an uncle: wise and a little crazy.
I’m writing this because my good friend’s son graduated from high school last Friday. I’m writing this because I had in my mind a mini-speech I wanted to give him. It was based on my freshman year of college. But I recognized immediately that it was all about me. Which made me suspect it wouldn’t be for him.
And it wasn’t. I trashed that idea, but I still wanted to impart some advice. I settled on something concise: “I hope your college years aren’t the best four years of your life, but you should live them like they will be. Then you’ll set a high bar to surpass in your adulthood.”
Not bad advice, and while it was based on my experience, it was a better message for him.
Smelt Fight part 2
Dan Fogarty was the student cafeteria manager. As we are still hooting and hollering over our epic food fight, he came slamming out of the kitchen. I won’t say the words that tore from his mouth, but when I say they were curses, I mean it. There was such anger and hate in his eyes as he yelled at us, told us how disrespected and hurt Samantha was by our actions.
“And what’s worse,” he yelled, “she’s in their crying.”
Dan slammed back through the kitchen double doors, and with a clammer came back through, throwing two brooms on the floor. Crashing back in, he pounded back out with the mop bucket and mop, the water sloshing out with his anger.
“Now clean up!”
We did. All that joyous, raucous energy turned sour, but we had to use it as we swept and mopped the mess we made. The accomplishment I’d felt as a ringleader of the smelt fight was destroyed, replaced with genuine shame and humiliation.
By the time we were done, the cafeteria was spotless. But our spirits were not.
Next: How to make things a little better.
Smelt Fight part 1
When I was a student at UConn, most of the small dorms had cafeterias in them. In Goodyear, we were known to have the best cook on campus, who we simply called Jim.
When the first Iraq war started, his reserve unit was called up, and he was sent to cook for the troops. We are scared for him, of course, but also a little nervous for our stomachs. He was that good a cook.
When Jim shipped out, our new cook, Samantha, came on board. She smartly stuck to the basics at first, and though she didn’t have Jim’s ability, the food was fine.
Then one day we came downstairs to large bowls full of brown …. somethings. Samantha told us they were smelt. I didn’t know at the time, but smelt is generally a bait fish, and not typically cooked for a meal.
Continue readingNot exactly ‘storming’ the field
Amazing upset win by UConn football over #19 Liberty! For the last ten years the only thing upset has been our stomachs due to loss after loss. It’s good to have a competitive team again!
Mark Bozeman 