I am hopefully getting near the end of the editing my first book of poetry titled Self of Steam. I am seeing this process as a microcosm of who I am creatively, and even in other parts of my life.

Each step mirrors how I work. Let’s go to a bulleted list to illustrate my point:

• Hit with the enthusiasm for a project, I begin with full engagement, passion and energy. I will get a great deal done in a short amount of time.
• Even when the fire cools a little, I am still caught by the glimmering possibility that is calling me from the still distant end. I work with determination, and look forward to building more.
• The enthusiasm wears off, but my work ethic and ability to focus takes over.
• I hit a major roadblock. Though I wrestle with it, it saps my energy and determination.
• I begin to avoid the work.
• I feel guilt for avoiding the work.
• I return to the work, but the frustration is still there.
• I finally get past the avoidance and frustration, and I get past the regret.
• Project gets finished.
• I wonder why I had to fight it so long, which somewhat mars the satisfaction of completing it.

This is the stage I am at with this website. I feel guilty about not posting, but I am a little overwhelmed by the prospect of keeping it going for a long time. Indeed, I am writing this more out internal pressure than any creative spark.

But this last part isn’t really so bad. I have learned about my capacity to create even if I don’t feel creative. This lesson may just take the place of some of the frustrations of my process.

Someday.