writing

Bravery

/ boz bozeman / 2 Comments

I held my mother’s hand tightly, and she grasped mine with all the strength of her 88-year-old muscles. We stood on the sidewalk right outside the hairdressing studio. We had been standing there for a while. 

Her grip conveyed her fear: it was the step she needed to make from the sidewalk, over the curb down to the parking lot. My car was parked two feet away, running, the passenger door open for her. 

I told my partially deaf, partially blind old mother that she’d “Done this a million times before.”  

“I know. But I’m scared this time.” 

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Autumn Glory

/ boz bozeman / 2 Comments 
Fall leaves!  
I celebrate your splash of color 
Your delicate yellows  
Citrus orange  
Majestic red 

I honor you, 
Because your changing hue 
Is the glory 
Of leaves dying.  

I will not forget your verdant green 
Your spring and summer   
Wind dances  
Hushing and shushing together. 
The brief glimpse of your  
Light underside.  

And to those trees  
That have already shed their leaves?  
I donʼt blame you.  
Iʼm tired too.

Editing as Microcosm

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I am hopefully getting near the end of the editing my first book of poetry titled Self of Steam. I am seeing this process as a microcosm of who I am creatively, and even in other parts of my life.

Each step mirrors how I work. Let’s go to a bulleted list to illustrate my point:

  • Hit with the enthusiasm for a project, I begin with full engagement, passion and energy. I will get a great deal done in a short amount of time.
  • Even when the fire cools a little, I am still caught by the glimmering possibility that is calling me from the still distant end. I work with determination, and look forward to building more.
  • The enthusiasm wears off, but my work ethic and ability to focus takes over.
  • I hit a major roadblock. Though I wrestle with it, it saps my energy and determination.
  • I begin to avoid the work.
  • I feel guilt for avoiding the work.
  • I return to the work, but the frustration is still there.
  • I finally get past the avoidance and frustration, and I get past the regret.
  • Project gets finished.
  • I wonder why I had to fight it so long, which somewhat mars the satisfaction of completing it.

This is the stage I am at with this website. I feel guilty about not posting, but I am a little overwhelmed by the prospect of keeping it going for a long time. Indeed, I am writing this more out internal pressure than any creative spark.

But this last part isn’t really so bad. I have learned about my capacity to create even if I don’t feel creative. This lesson may just take the place of some of the frustrations of my process.

Someday.

My first Haibun Monday – Equinox edition

/ boz bozeman / 15 Comments

I’m learning the Haibun form, which combines prose and poetry. I like this very much, since prose is my first love.

The challenge is to write a post about the equinox. Here’s mine:

Fall fell on its birthday this year in Connecticut. A twenty-degree dip in temperature in one day, cool replacing the wisps of warmth of a day ago. As if it knew its time had come and did not wish to tarry.

The sun is blocked out by clouds, so it is a grey day that we get half of. It’s been too nice for a lot of leaves to fall in the heavy rain: the trees’ green belies this sudden steely Autumn.

Darkness will do for the other half of the equinox. It is flexing now, beginning to feel its length stretch out before it, a host of days to darken.

Still I will balance
Rotating, tilting, spinning
Cycling through it all

Join the fun here.

Letting Go

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One of my favorite quotes from Tao te Ching is “Do your work and then let go, the only path to serenity.” I believe in this idea from my practical experience, and I’m definitely happier when I apply it to my job.

This school year, I have a particularly challenging class, mostly due to discipline problems. I found myself perseverating about this group. I realized I was stressing, and it wasn’t helping the situation at all. Losing sleep is not the path to serenity.

I had to change my mindset. What is “doing my work” in this case? It is of course attempting to get the class on track. Some time outside of the class is necessary to think and strategize what to do. That is all part of the job, so it is my work.

I had to let go of the stress and the stop the sleeplessness. I did this by determining my plan to adjust their behavior, and being intentional and clear about what I needed from them. Once I began doing this, I was able to let go of grinding the thoughts about this class, and just focus on my job when I am doing it.

Not surprisingly, not only have I started letting go, but the class has started getting better. Bottom line, listen to the Tao!

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Fallow

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I always believe my summer break from teaching will lead to creative productivity. Many years it has, and I have created numerous pieces, and started many more.

This summer was different. I just wasn’t feeling it. It took a lot of effort to even post occasionally here.

In my defense, I did format a book of poetry that I want to publish. Well, mostly format. When uploading books to Amazon, a .pdf file is a good format to use. Unfortunately, editing a .pdf costs money to Adobe, and the editing interface is clunky and the opposite of intuitive.

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