food fight

Smelt Fight part 3

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Click to read part 1

Click to read part 2

My roommate Rob and I asked Dan if we could go talk to Samantha to apologize. At first he said no, but he knew us well enough that he realized we were really sorry. 

Samantha had her back turned to us and was wiping her eyes. I started to apologize, needing to make sure that she knew I was sincere. I said that we realized how disrespectful and hurtful our behavior was, and that she didn’t deserve our actions.  

Eventually she looked at us, and she accepted our apology, though she said she was still mad. 

The next day, Dan and Samantha called Rob and I over. She asked us what she would like for meals. We gave her some ideas, and suggested that she ask more of us.  

This began a change. Samantha admitted that she was trying too hard to be like Jim, and she just needed to be herself.  

The food got better. And our connection to Samantha deepened. We were genuinely sad to see her go when Jim came back, though, admittedly, our mouths and stomachs celebrated.  

Smelt Fight part 2

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Read part 1 here

Dan Fogarty was the student cafeteria manager. As we are still hooting and hollering over our epic food fight, he came slamming out of the kitchen. I won’t say the words that tore from his mouth, but when I say they were curses, I mean it. There was such anger and hate in his eyes as he yelled at us, told us how disrespected and hurt Samantha was by our actions.  

“And what’s worse,” he yelled, “she’s in their crying.” 

Dan slammed back through the kitchen double doors, and with a clammer came back through, throwing two brooms on the floor. Crashing back in, he pounded back out with the mop bucket and mop, the water sloshing out with his anger. 

“Now clean up!” 

We did. All that joyous, raucous energy turned sour, but we had to use it as we swept and mopped the mess we made. The accomplishment I’d felt as a ringleader of the smelt fight was destroyed, replaced with genuine shame and humiliation.  

By the time we were done, the cafeteria was spotless. But our spirits were not.  

Next: How to make things a little better.

Smelt Fight part 1

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When I was a student at UConn, most of the small dorms had cafeterias in them. In Goodyear, we were known to have the best cook on campus, who we simply called Jim. 

When the first Iraq war started, his reserve unit was called up, and he was sent to cook for the troops. We are scared for him, of course, but also a little nervous for our stomachs. He was that good a cook.  

When Jim shipped out, our new cook, Samantha, came on board. She smartly stuck to the basics at first, and though she didn’t have Jim’s ability, the food was fine.  

Then one day we came downstairs to large bowls full of brown …. somethings. Samantha told us they were smelt. I didn’t know at the time, but smelt is generally a bait fish, and not typically cooked for a meal.  

Continue reading →

Ask Boz – Soft taco vs. Grilled Cheese

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In our last episode, we found out how a hard-shelled taco would do against a grilled cheese sandwich in a fight. Here is part two

  • Soft Shell (Mollibus) vs. Grilled Cheese (Rhoncus Caseus) 
     
    A much different result was found when the soft-shell taco matched up with the grilled cheese sandwich. 
     
    First of all, a soft shell can absorb punishment much like a grilled cheese can. Due to its durability and increased mobility, this taco can then deliver ranged punishment by firing hot sauce at its opponent. 
     
    But it turns out that sour cream is the wildcard. While hot sauce is tomato based, and thus similar to grilled cheese’s best friend tomato soup (Lycopersici Susceptibility Elit), sour cream is completely foreign to grilled cheese. While it seems to do no physical harm, the sandwich will retreat and cower when doused with sour cream. Our scientist theorize that it destroys the grilled cheese’s sense of self, filling it with doubt and questions about the true nature of existence. 
     
    Winner: Soft Taco. 

Since you probably saw it on the news, we regret the fact that two of our researchers have been accused of running an illegal food fighting ring. Our internal investigation showed that several of our more aggressive test foods would disappear for days, and return with unexplained wounds in their bread/shell. I assure you that neither Ask Boz or any of its subsidiaries promote, participate in, or in any way support, betting on illegal or unregulated food fights. 

The researchers have been reassigned to the cafeteria, where they will be unable to exploit food anymore. 

Boz