How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Ask Boz researched several famous Woodchucks and came up with these answers: 

Wood Chuck Norris – Wood Chuck Norris wouldn’t only chuck wood, he’d kick wood’s bark. He wouldn’t feel bad for wood, either, like you would, you namby-pamby. He’d kick your bark, too, for sure, even if he had to glue some bark to you first.

Senator Woodchuck Schumer – Has put a committee together to look into the crisis in chucked wood, with special emphasis on regulating the after-chuck market. 

Wood Chuck E Cheese – Wood Chucky E Cheese made every effort to cooperate with our investigation. We agreed with his lawyers that there needed to be parameters to clearly define how much wood Wood Chuck E Cheese would chuck if Wood Chuck E Cheese would chuck wood. The following are the key agreements reached: 

• It was agreed that “wood” would be defined as a log no longer than two feet and no greater than a half-foot in diameter. 
• A “chuck” would be defined as any toss of an approved piece of wood that reached or exceeded three feet. 

Chuck E signed a contract stating that he “would chuck wood.” Chuck E began chucking wood, but was dismayed to realize that there was no time limit to the chucking period. Chuck E has now been chucking wood for forty-two consecutive days. His lawyers are attempting to work in an amendment or an addendum that would stipulate a time limitation on how much any given woodchuck would have to chuck wood. He has full support of the Woodchuck Union.

Wood Chuck Palahniuk – In his novel The Chuck Club, WCP writes of a main character, Charles, who has a dual personality. While Charles is afraid to chuck wood, his alter ego “Chuck” chucks wood all the time. They form a The Chuck Club, and make a First Rule: Never Tell How Much Wood You Can Chuck.

Wood Chucky does not chuck wood. He stabs it with a knife.

Wood Chuck Taylors – are shoes. How the hell can they chuck anything? What, are you stupid or something? Get out of here!