Dear Ask Boz

Are guinea pigs edible? 

Some, but not all, guinea pigs are edible. As a start, the Idiots Guide to Eating Guinea Pigs is a useful resource. However, if you are impatient, here are a few ways to tell if an individual guinea pig is edible.  

You should eat a guinea pig if: 

  1. You stumble upon a guinea pig that has been cooked and prepared with a nice side of vegetables.  
  1. The guinea pig is wearing an “eat me” shirt. These are usually alienated guinea pigs, freshly out of a Masters of Fine Arts program, trying to ironically attack the prevailing paradigm. Thus, the best thing to do to them is to eat them, thereby unironically ridding the world of a sullen and over-thinking “jerk pig.” However, never touch a guinea pig wearing a “barely edible” shirt.  
  1. The guinea pig is baring its teeth and frothing at the mouth. Rabid guinea pigs are a delicacy in most civilized countries and Canada.  

Hope this helps! Don’t sue me if you actually follow this advice; sue yourself! 

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