What are all these black helicopters doing here? 

Ah, the mysterious black helicopter. I’m sure you are expecting me say that it’s the government spying on you. Do they want to know what you watch on Netflix, or why you chose Olive Garden over Chilis? 

No! In fact, black helicopters have nothing to do with the government. They are actually the vehicle of choice for the modern angel. They no longer fly around with white robes and wings. Angels are surprisingly modern and fashion conscious, and robes and wings are sooooo Renaissance. Black helicopters are totally edgy and cool, and they give your average angel the kind of powers once reserved for Archangels like Gabriel, Michael, and Gandalf. These powers include, but aren’t limited to: 

Improved hovering – hovering over people to protect them from danger used to be exhausting. Now it’s easy, and the helicopter is so threatening that most trouble just kinda creeps away and hides.

Lethal rocket attacks – no longer confined to passive protection, angels can blow enemies to tiny bits with very modern and fashionable explosions and limited civilian casualties. 

End Times – epic battles with demons aren’t all swords and horses anymore! A holy phalanx of black helicopters firing hot rounds of eternal damnation even gives old Lucifer a moments pause. And regret! He’s totally like: “I never would have turned against God if I knew we’d be getting attack choppers!”  

So, if there really are a lot of ‘copters around, you’re either very important or about to be attacked by hordes of demons. Not that you’ll believe it, but try to remember: YOU’RE NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR THE GOVERNMENT TO SPY ON! 

 Ask me a question!