taco

Dear Ask Boz

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What’s inside an empty box? 

Ford McGillicuddy 

Dear Ford,

Scientists, philosophers and other idiots would say that a box can’t be empty and have things inside of it. Fools! Unlike such Moron-Americans, I’m making money promoting emptiness. I am presently signing an endorsement deal with The Box Maker to promote their Empty Box Storage System. 

The EBSS is made to endure the structural stresses that come with containing nothing. Empty Box can hold everynothing, because it is designed for the rigors of holding things that have no true substance, from empty promises, to true freedom, through third parties, and beyond. 

But that’s not all!! Here are some other things you can store in Empty Box: 

Continue reading →

Ask Boz – Soft taco vs. Grilled Cheese

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In our last episode, we found out how a hard-shelled taco would do against a grilled cheese sandwich in a fight. Here is part two

  • Soft Shell (Mollibus) vs. Grilled Cheese (Rhoncus Caseus) 
     
    A much different result was found when the soft-shell taco matched up with the grilled cheese sandwich. 
     
    First of all, a soft shell can absorb punishment much like a grilled cheese can. Due to its durability and increased mobility, this taco can then deliver ranged punishment by firing hot sauce at its opponent. 
     
    But it turns out that sour cream is the wildcard. While hot sauce is tomato based, and thus similar to grilled cheese’s best friend tomato soup (Lycopersici Susceptibility Elit), sour cream is completely foreign to grilled cheese. While it seems to do no physical harm, the sandwich will retreat and cower when doused with sour cream. Our scientist theorize that it destroys the grilled cheese’s sense of self, filling it with doubt and questions about the true nature of existence. 
     
    Winner: Soft Taco. 

Since you probably saw it on the news, we regret the fact that two of our researchers have been accused of running an illegal food fighting ring. Our internal investigation showed that several of our more aggressive test foods would disappear for days, and return with unexplained wounds in their bread/shell. I assure you that neither Ask Boz or any of its subsidiaries promote, participate in, or in any way support, betting on illegal or unregulated food fights. 

The researchers have been reassigned to the cafeteria, where they will be unable to exploit food anymore. 

Boz 

Ask Boz – Taco vs Grilled Cheese part 1

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Dear Ask Boz, 

Which would win in a fight, a taco or a grilled cheese sandwich?  
Adam 
 
Dear Adam, 
 
Your question couldn’t have come at a better time, since the Ask Boz Food Anthropology Institute has just finished a ten-year study on this very issue. 

First, our researchers split the question in two, seeing there are two distinct species of taco: the hard shell and the soft shell. Then we matched each in a fight against the grilled cheese. Here is what we found: 

  • Hard Shell (Duro Putamine) vs. Grilled Cheese (Rhoncus Caseus) 
    Because these two species don’t exist together in the wild, our experiments were conducted in controlled environments. 
     
    The results were consistently and sadly predictable. The hard-shelled taco proved extremely vulnerable to even the softest blow from the grilled cheese. The smallest crack in the shell would expand to deadly proportions the next time the taco made the slightest offensive move. 
     
    One grilled cheese could take on as many as twelve hard tacos at a time without a problem. Although one taco would bravely expose itself as a target while the others surrounded the grilled cheese and beat on it, the grilled cheese was so durable that it could withstand multiple attacks while patiently cracking shell. 
     
    You see, a grilled cheese easily absorbs punches, and even when stretched out maintains its basic integrity. 
     
    In fact, this experiment had to be suspended when the grilled cheese refused to continue fighting. They are a very empathic sandwich. Even then, the meat grease would make the shell all soggy and it would fall apart on its own. 
     
    Winner: Grilled cheese 

Tomorrow: Soft-Shell Taco vs. Grilled Cheese