Dear Ask Boz, 

Which would win in a fight, a taco or a grilled cheese sandwich?  
Adam 
 
Dear Adam, 
 
Your question couldn’t have come at a better time, since the Ask Boz Food Anthropology Institute has just finished a ten-year study on this very issue. 

First, our researchers split the question in two, seeing there are two distinct species of taco: the hard shell and the soft shell. Then we matched each in a fight against the grilled cheese. Here is what we found: 

• Hard Shell (Duro Putamine) vs. Grilled Cheese (Rhoncus Caseus) 
  Because these two species don’t exist together in the wild, our experiments were conducted in controlled environments. 
   
  The results were consistently and sadly predictable. The hard-shelled taco proved extremely vulnerable to even the softest blow from the grilled cheese. The smallest crack in the shell would expand to deadly proportions the next time the taco made the slightest offensive move. 
   
  One grilled cheese could take on as many as twelve hard tacos at a time without a problem. Although one taco would bravely expose itself as a target while the others surrounded the grilled cheese and beat on it, the grilled cheese was so durable that it could withstand multiple attacks while patiently cracking shell. 
   
  You see, a grilled cheese easily absorbs punches, and even when stretched out maintains its basic integrity. 
   
  In fact, this experiment had to be suspended when the grilled cheese refused to continue fighting. They are a very empathic sandwich. Even then, the meat grease would make the shell all soggy and it would fall apart on its own. 
   
  Winner: Grilled cheese 

Tomorrow: Soft-Shell Taco vs. Grilled Cheese