Dear Ask Boz, 

I just got a chainsaw! What should my lumberjack name be? 

Brad 

Congratulations on your purchase! Of course, just having a chain saw and cutting down some trees doesn’t make you a lumberjack. To truly join that craft, you have to hate trees. Loathe them. Wish they had organs so you could defenestrate them. And knowing you Brad, I think you have the right amount of rage to take down a forest!  

So, if you’re committed, you can’t an average name like “Schmitty” or “Lefty” or “Old Stumpy”. Nope, you need a name that shows your rage at trees. And the best ones are in the language of anger: Ancient Norse.

Here are some names I found for you to try out:

Want to keep it simple? OK. How about “Hater ór Tréjar”, which is “Hater of Trees”. 

Or how about something that came from a Norse Epic, like Thor’s personal lumberjack? His name was “Tré ógleði”. That means “Trees Lament,” and according to the old stories, trees wept sap when they saw him coming.

For the last choice, I realize that some lumberjacks like to be spiritually attuned to the trees they slaughter. If that’s your style, Brad, try out “grœnn sá” – Green Saw. 

Of course, it’s risky to take one of these names at the beginning of your serial tree killing journey. You may want to take a noob name like “nýr dey” – New Killer. That way if you run in to “Andlát ór grasar” – Death of Trees – at Home Depot, he won’t want to put an axe in your tiny bald skull.  

Happy tree slaying!

Boz

Thanks to https://lingojam.com/OldNorsetoEnglishTranslator for the translations!

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